Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 championship side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast two weeks after discovering he has the disease.
"There's a certain facing the future and being reluctant to really process that at the moment," he said.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is certainly a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "peaceful" as he directs his attention to his current welfare, his family and making preparations for when the illness deteriorates.
"Perhaps that's shock or maybe I process things differently, and once I have the facts, it's more manageable," he added.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some reduced power in his shoulder area while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the condition, a series of scans revealed nerve cells in his brain and spinal cord had been affected by MND.
"You receive this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I think nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't experience ill. I don't sense unwell
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have some muscle loss in the hand area and the upper arm.
"I remain competent to doing anything and everything. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is attainable."
Illness Progression
MND can progress swiftly.
As per the charity MND Association, the disease claims a 33% of people within a year and more than half within two years of identification, as ingestion and inhalation become more difficult.
Medical care can only delay deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," added an moved Moody.
"There's grief around having to inform my mum - as an only child - and the consequences that has for her."
Personal Effect
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with feeling when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, commenting: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two brilliant boys and that was quite heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We positioned ourselves on the settee in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and started cleaning the tears off our faces, which was rather amusing."
Moody stated the priority was remaining in the now.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be so militantly directed on just embracing and savoring everything now," he commented.
"According to Annie, we've been really lucky that the sole decision I made when I concluded playing was to allocate as much time with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Player Connection
Elite competitors are disproportionately affected by MND, with studies proposing the incidence of the disease is up to six times elevated than in the broader public.
It is believed that by reducing the oxygen obtainable and producing damage to neural pathways, frequent, strenuous exercise can activate the condition in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Athletic Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in acknowledgment of his fearless, unwavering approach to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a workout confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a tackle pad and commenced engaging in physical contacts.
After coming on as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the line-out in the critical phase of play, setting a base for half-back Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop kick.
Support System
Moody has already told Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a few other former players about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that sort of love and acknowledgment that people are there is all that matters," he stated.
"The sport is such a wonderful group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it finished now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to call your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the greatest honors.
"Achieving this for so considerable a period with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will desire to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
